@peterjames48: For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up.
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@KylePlantEmoji: Me: "authenticity" is a weird concept with food. Most people would consider pizza to be more Italian than American. But the tomato only came to Italy in the 16th Century from, you guessed it, the Americas Domino's guy: please let me go, the app knows where I am
@mccormick_ted: Me, surprised: Why are you in a hurry to get to school? 7yo, matter-of-fact: My enemies are waiting
@briancthayer: [Halloween] Lady: what are you this this year? Me: *dressed as a phone battery meter* I'm at 10% and it's only 7pm. Lady: *faints*
@tastefactory: Student begins reading poem, teacher interrupts "No this is Creative WRITHING class" Other student squirms around on floor "Very good Todd"