@peterjames48: For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up.
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@Brampersandon_: [pharmacy] "Can I help you?" Yeah, could you recommend anything over the counter for this? *lifts shirt to reveal 7 fresh gunshot wounds*
@wickedsuga: Everyone needs that one friend that will promise to redraw your chalk outline to make you look skinnier.
@bea_ker: "Did you guys see me get so mad I flipped a table?" Yes Tony, we saw it. You're 46. You have to stop taking your skateboard to restaurants.