@SallingsSam: For every selfie you take, the universe throws another rock at our planet.
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@ArfMeasures: Date: I like guys who are sensitive Me *through mouthful of ice cream* this hurts my teeth
@dulcetry: I know we haven't talked in awhile but I've been thinking about us a lot and I was wondering if u remembered the name of that burrito place
@FunnyCauseImFat: My wife fell asleep during American Idol, so I got up like a fat ninja and turned hockey on. Then, I whispered to myself "I run this house"