Me: Hey if I said you had a nice defibrillator, would you hold it against me?
Paramedic: (blushes) Nooooo…
For somebody who ate their twin in utero I sure am a fussy eater
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I thought I was being clever stockpiling prunes and figs
But it’s all gone to shit now
A Spanish friend working in UK happily for years reply to taunts re being kicked out: “Well, I can choose 27 other countries; you can’t”
Dad, why do we celebrate 4th of July?
Well son, it celebrates our defeating the aliens that blew up the White House after Will Smith attac
No, YOU didn’t tighten the cap on my urine sample
Yes you impress me but so does a new set of windshield wipers.
doktor: did you get a drug test?
me: nah I know what I’m on