Everyone buries their problems in different ways.
I bury them alive because killing people is wrong.
*forgets why I walked into a room*
*remembers lyrics to a song I heard once 20 years ago*
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Of course this milk is fresh, I just saw it breakdancing in the back of the refrigerator.
I would make an awesome panda because I too excel at looking adorable while doing nothing.
4: *hops in my lap* Mama, look at my picture!
Me: Love it
4: See green
4: And blue
4: And red
M: *flushes toilet* ok, hop up.
REAL ’90s kids will recognize this! —> Current unemployment.
Trench coats are dangerous. How do you know who’s a detective, a flasher, or two muppets? You just don’t know. YOU JUST DON’T KNOW!!
Them: You have a choice-
Me: I’ll take the bad choice, please.
[my head is bleeding]
HIM: Have u seen a doctor???
ME: Buddy, I’ve seen several. Let me tell u about a little show called Grey’s Anatomy…
my crush: do you wanna go out?
me: haha sure
CDC: [rips off hot girl mask] WRONG ANSWER