“No, YOU’VE had too much to drink!”
~Me, to this bar stool
Found an eyelash on my pizza.
Wished for more pizza.
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If it lasts 4 hours I’m not only callin a Dr, I’m callin everybody!!
Swallowed a bunch of tiny figurines and gems before my colonoscopy, because my proctologist deserves a little mystery and wonder.
I learned two important lessons today. I can’t remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.
15: I hope it’s him!
25: hope it’s about the job
35: (handing phone to stranger) i died. tell them
Stop me if you’ve heard this one
Daddy I’m full
Ok, but the kitchen is closed for the night
(after cleaning up dinner)
Daddy I’m hungry
A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
Wizard of Oz (1939) A hapless brain injured teen is led down the wrong path to heroin, cosplay, organ harvesting and ultimately homicide
If your girl takes care of animals at the zoo treat her right cause she’s a keeper.
Running away doesn’t help you with your problems. Unless you’re fat.