@fightgeek

found this sweet little abandoned chocolate lab at the park today

You Might Also Like

@TraylorParker

Me: YOU CAN DO IT SON!

Son: Why are you being so encouraging? Are you drunk?

Me: Yep. So pass your driving test or we’re walking home.

@sofarrsogud

Of all the things we should be thankful for at this time of year, not being a turkey is probably the main one.

@Dawn_M_

Sorry to text you so late but can your dog come over?

@HockeyGoddess24

Somebody in here smells really good. I will hunt you down. I will sniff you.

@daemonic3

[road trip]

ME: I’m hungry, let’s stop and eat

FRIEND: I see a 24 hour breakfast place

ME: You idiot, we don’t have that kind of time

@pbear79

I asked a waiter how they prepare their chicken. He said…

“Meh, nothing special. We just straight out tell them they’re going to die.”

@iheartgunts

Phil Collins’ “In The Air Tonight” is the best ever song about a silent but deadly fart.