I didnt know how to tell this guy at Home Depot his fly was down… and he didnt know how to say thanks when I tried to help him zip it up.
“FOUR MORE YEARS!!! FOUR MORE YEARS!!!…” – Honey Boo Boo’s teachers her senior year of high school
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Never eat ice cream while chatting online. Sister: why are you typing so slowly Me: well my other hands busy. She hasnt replied yet.
Me: I find pregnant women attractive.
She: But I’m not pregnant.
Me: Gimme a few minutes.
*shows up to date with horse drawn carriage*
“I’m so surprised!”
Yes it’s a terrible drawing of a carriage but he didn’t have thumbs so
Midrand traffic is caused by married men who don’t want to go home after work..
It wasn’t a crisis until my mother heard about it.
Understanding women isn’t rocket science.
Rocket science has rules and boundaries.
I had to breathe while my cat was sitting on my lap and now she’s disgusted with me.
I wonder if Batman ever saw the Batsignal and thought ‘I’ve literally just sat down.”
[approaches group of male coworkers talking about the superbowl]
man oh man I can’t wait to watch the
[looks at left palm]
rams & the patriots play
[looks at right palm]