@JennyJohnsonHi5

“FOUR MORE YEARS!!! FOUR MORE YEARS!!!…” – Honey Boo Boo’s teachers her senior year of high school

You Might Also Like

@UncleDuke1969

[mall]

Me: That guy looks SO familiar!
Wife: …
M: Maybe an actor? Musician?
W: …
M: I’ll get an autograph!
W: He’s our mailman, moron.

@WheelTod

“Dad?”

“Yes, son?”

“Where do Cowboys come from?”

“Well, son. When a cow and a boy love each other very, very much…”

@andlikelaura

me: hi i’d like to exchange my current brain for a new one

customer service: ma’am you’re calling amazon

me: listen alexa i am a PRIME member

@LlamaInaTux

[Bartending]

Girl: I’d like a martini, make it virgin

Me: ok, I’ll make it, just stop calling me that

@Pork_Chop_Hair

(my funeral)
Spouse, crying: I’ll miss you, my love. Your with the angels now.

Ghost me, whispering in his ear: *you’re

S: Oh ffs!

@msdanifernandez

[dean tries handing me a diploma as I walk across the stage] I have a boyfriend

@ThugRaccoons

Boss: I’m afraid I’m going to have to let you go

Me (a trapeze artist): Now!?!?

@ThisOneSayz

I’m sorry that during sex I yelled, “Sriracha!!” but you said to say something hot.