“FOUR MORE YEARS!!! FOUR MORE YEARS!!!…” – Honey Boo Boo’s teachers her senior year of high school

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I didnt know how to tell this guy at Home Depot his fly was down… and he didnt know how to say thanks when I tried to help him zip it up.


Never eat ice cream while chatting online. Sister: why are you typing so slowly Me: well my other hands busy. She hasnt replied yet.


Me: I find pregnant women attractive.

She: But I’m not pregnant.

Me: Gimme a few minutes.


*shows up to date with horse drawn carriage*
“I’m so surprised!”
Yes it’s a terrible drawing of a carriage but he didn’t have thumbs so


Midrand traffic is caused by married men who don’t want to go home after work..


Understanding women isn’t rocket science.

Rocket science has rules and boundaries.


I had to breathe while my cat was sitting on my lap and now she’s disgusted with me.


I wonder if Batman ever saw the Batsignal and thought ‘I’ve literally just sat down.”


[approaches group of male coworkers talking about the superbowl]
man oh man I can’t wait to watch the
[looks at left palm]
rams & the patriots play
[looks at right palm]