@krisv_723: Fred realized too late that he should have bought a fresh sheet for his toga, when he walked into the black light party.
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@ch000ch: I wanna get HAMMERED tonight. Seriously? Yeah, drunk as hell, bro. Riiight. Of course, of course. *quietly slides hammer back into sleeve*
@leakypod: therapist: eliminate the negative energy from your life me: [nods] stop eating vegetables therapist: no
@JasonIsbell: A couple weeks ago I was introduced to Jason Momoa AS I WAS WALKING INTO THE GYM in case you’re wondering what every sad song on my next album will be about
@Tups13: There's no use crying over spilt milk. Particularly skimmed milk. Skimmed milk is watery enough without you sobbing into it.