[Freddy Krueger enters my dream but I’m blasting Rebecca Black on repeat]
Who’s nightmare is it now Freddy?!

You Might Also Like


TOM HARDY: ‘I am a necessary evil!’
TOM SOFTY: ‘I can’t have anything too spicy before bed.’



Me: That guy looks SO familiar!
Wife: …
M: Maybe an actor? Musician?
W: …
M: I’ll get an autograph!
W: He’s our mailman, moron.


Before 40: stretch to prevent injury

After 40: injure self during stretching


“LINES OF COKE” is the only acceptable answer to yell from the bathroom when someone asks you a stupid question like what are you doing in there


If the cure for AIDS could get you high, we’d figure it out in about a week.


Buffalo Wild Wings: Did you order ahead?

Me: No it was just wings.


That security feature that hides passwords with asterisks does me no good because my password for everything is eight asterisks.