Lasagna asks the question, “what if pasta were a book”
[Freddy Krueger enters my dream but I’m blasting Rebecca Black on repeat]
Who’s nightmare is it now Freddy?!
You Might Also Like
i wish i lost weight as fast as i lose motivation
TOM HARDY: ‘I am a necessary evil!’
TOM SOFTY: ‘I can’t have anything too spicy before bed.’
Me: That guy looks SO familiar!
M: Maybe an actor? Musician?
M: I’ll get an autograph!
W: He’s our mailman, moron.
Before 40: stretch to prevent injury
After 40: injure self during stretching
“LINES OF COKE” is the only acceptable answer to yell from the bathroom when someone asks you a stupid question like what are you doing in there
I talk dirtier in traffic than I do during sex.
If the cure for AIDS could get you high, we’d figure it out in about a week.
Buffalo Wild Wings: Did you order ahead?
Me: No it was just wings.
That security feature that hides passwords with asterisks does me no good because my password for everything is eight asterisks.