I don’t trust anyone who can pick “one favourite” anything.
Screw you, you decisive jerk.
FREE IPAD FOR ANSWERING A SIMPLE SURVEY.
1) WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
2) DO YOU OWN WEAPONS?
3) WHEN ARE YOU MOST VULNERABLE?
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Me: [attempting to warm up my 12th plate of tacquitos today]
This idea is the best gift I’ve ever given myself
On the list of things I’ve learned today:
1. You’re not allowed to walk a police dog
2. Pepper spray recovery time is 37 minutes
Date: you know that was just a filter, right?
Me: *upset she’s not part puppy* it’s fine, I’m fine
Walked 2 kms on four lane highway and Fitbit is showing 2 kms covered and not 8.
C’mon Fitbit, update your app with new formula.
Yes I have exams.
No, I’m not easily distracted.
Yes, my shadow is interesting.
GF: [to rich guy] So what do you do?
RICH GUY: I race horses for a living
ME: Do you ever beat them?
88% of parenting is begging your kids to blow their nose.