@ActualPerson084

FREE IPAD FOR ANSWERING A SIMPLE SURVEY.
1) WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
2) DO YOU OWN WEAPONS?
3) WHEN ARE YOU MOST VULNERABLE?
#NIGHTOFTHEFREEIPAD

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@Kryzazy

I don’t trust anyone who can pick “one favourite” anything.
Screw you, you decisive jerk.

@justokpanda

Me: [attempting to warm up my 12th plate of tacquitos today]

My microwave:

@Ideal_Victoria

On the list of things I’ve learned today:

1. You’re not allowed to walk a police dog
2. Pepper spray recovery time is 37 minutes

@BoogTweets

Date: you know that was just a filter, right?

Me: *upset she’s not part puppy* it’s fine, I’m fine

@Vishj05

Walked 2 kms on four lane highway and Fitbit is showing 2 kms covered and not 8.

C’mon Fitbit, update your app with new formula.

@VaChina1

Yes I have exams.
No, I’m not easily distracted.
Yes, my shadow is interesting.

@MatCro

[dinner party]

GF: [to rich guy] So what do you do?

RICH GUY: I race horses for a living

ME: Do you ever beat them?