@JustMeTurtle: Free pizza at work got me like “Fine, I’ll come back on Monday”.
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@3sunzzz: Whenever I type 'drink', autocorrect changes it to 'drunk'. It's like it can predict my future.
@MissSassy_Pants: Me: [takes bite of PBJ sandwich] 6yo: Mommmm! Don't eat my lunch! Me: [giggles] I'm just testing it first to make sure there's no poison! 6yo: yeah ri- Me: [collapses]
@TheToddWilliams: [high seas] FIRST MATE: I can't wait to see my wife again PIRATE: Land Ho! FIRST MATE: Now look, that's a little rude