@RandiLawson: Free tip for home invaders: literally everybody with an iPhone6 is out at brunch right now
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@MichaelGoffLA: Apparently organ donation has to be *your own* organ and this police officer has a lot of questions.
@McKeeMack: God: ok you’re a beaver Beaver: cool cool God: and you build homes in water Beaver: me likey God: but I’m giving you 2 inch teeth to build with Beaver: mofer fufer
@AndyAsAdjective: an alarm clock that repeatedly & loudly makes the sound of a windshield wiper going across a windshield that is not completely wet