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@eff_yeah_steph: Friend: Hi, How have you been?
Me: Why? What have you heard?
@ClichedOut: ME: My goal is to be king, like my dad.
HER: That's amazing. Of what country?
ME: It was his goal, Linda. And now it's mine.
@RCKruseKontrol: ME: *coughing* I'm sorry my voice is a little hoarse.
CHESS PLAYER: did.. did you just swallow my knight?
@jordan_stratton: Remember--the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your appearance, lack of talent, and general personality.
@therealeatwood: [Ouija Board]
Me: Spirit, answer this one question—do you like me?
Board: R E A D 1 2 : 3 7 P M
@bug_deal: the statue of liberty was a trojan horse thing but it was too hard to break out of and it’s full of skeletons now