Boss: Can you redact the total before sending the statement?
Me: Sure. Right after I look up the word redact.
Friend: How come you keep wearing white pants?
Me: Trying to summon my period.
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5: I’m going to hide my toys in this drawer.
Me: That’s where they go. It’s called “putting things away.”
Dance like no one is watching you while secretly videotaping to later be posted on YouTube so you become the latest worldwide laughing stock