Commissioner: we’ll need to stay in touch
Commissioner: this stealth communication device will-
Batman: LETS USE A GIANT SKY LAMP
friend: I have a theory that the center of the Earth will cool and become solid
me: wow, that’s hardcore
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My son and his friends are great … They always spray the house with air freshener before I get home
Hiring manager: what would you say are your greatest weaknesses?
Me: probably men with hairy knuckles. Oh, and a moist pot roast.
I have 2020 vision. My eyesight is terrible but I can see precisely 3 years into the future
“WHAT IS THAT NOISE?”
“IS IT DEATH METAL?”
“ARE YOU A DEVIL WORSHIPPER?!”
“ARE YOU GONNA KILL THE DOG?!”
Naked and afraid, but it’s just me taking off all of my clothing before I weigh myself.
Beware of fowl play.
Him: Didn’t you buy that apple pie yesterday?
Me: Yeah, so?
Him: There’s one small piece left.
Me: And if you touch it, I’ll stab you.
My husband says nosy. I say strong investigatory skills.
“That damn Lassie said Timmy fell down a ruffruffruff”
“Relax, honey. I’m sure she means well”