Friend: just make small talk

*later, on date*

Me: so…grains of sand

Her: uh yea-

Me: dwarves

Her: are u okay-

Me: bottle caps

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I thought stacking Oreos and displaying them in a decorative jar was a great idea, but I’m just eating them instead.


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Oh wait thats Nicki Minaj.
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4th eye: youre a nerd
5th-7th eyes: ???
8th eye: you are now a spider
9th eye: spider on drugs
16th eye: nerd spider


Me talking to someone five years older than me: ah yes we’re practically the same age

Me speaking to someone six months younger than me: hello small child, it’s a big ol’ world out there


I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot.

If you’re interested, let me know and I’ll jump over next door’s fence and get it for you.