True Story: A guy at the supermarket walked up to me today and asked me if I was on twitter. I said no.
If you’re reading this, I lied.
Friend: My car is making a weird noise
Me: Have you tried essential oils?
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I may not have great parenting skills, but in my defense the kids don’t have great childing skills either.
doctor: how are u
doctor: my wife left thanks for asking
Him: Going to Taco Bell, want anything?
Me: I’m just thirsty
Him: What do you want?
Me: Six tacos and a burrito
Middle of the night In bed:
Wife – Did you hear that?
Wife – I said did you hear that?
Me (under the bed) – Yes
I tried giving a gentle reminder to my kids about cleaning their rooms, but a megaphone works much better.
Okay. What I don’t get is, is dressing up as a ghost and scaring people away from your amusement park actually illegal? Just because some teenagers and a dog say so?
Damn girl, if you was a fruit you’d be a fineapple, if you was a vegetable, I would visit you in the hospital as often as I could.
*starts GoFundMe campaign to buy a soft drink at the movies*
I’ve never struggled with depression, we’ve always gotten along together.