My 4-year-old Just ran down the hallway yelling “CHEESES CRISIS.”
Oops. Maybe I’ve yelled Jesus Christ one too many times.
Friend: What’s it like having kids?
Me: *crushes cracker and sneezes it into their face*
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BLIND DATE TIP FOR WOMEN: Throw a fork into the wall behind ur date so he has to turn around, to make sure he doesn’t have a hidden ponytail
Catwoman pushing Batman off a ledge
Kids: Yay! Summer break!
Me: Look at this Back to School Countdown Calendar I’ve created. EVERYBODY GETS ONE!
Sorry Windows. The only thing a “strong” password will do is lock me out of my own computer when drunk. 1234 it is.
I WON’T STAND FOR THIS IDIOCY!
yall tired of boiling water every time you make pasta? boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later.
I love how science fiction movies skip right to the fiction part.
Me: How was school today?
Me: Do anything fun today?
Kid: Guess what happened at school?