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@mostlysharks: friend: why did you take up running?
me: *really wants to catch an ostrich* no reason
@Jacksawyerr: *angrily detangles self from wind chime*
@ch000ch: (reads smudged writing on hand during date) i just want to say that u look really preffy tonight
@James_Kpatrick: These two books contain the sum total of all human knowledge
@justokpanda: Me: *twirling* And this stress has POCKETS can you believe it??!
Therapist: Please sit down.
Me:*falling over* Ok
@mjkspeaks: [hours after first date]
HER: *on phone* yeah i went on the date but he was creepy.
*i’m just sitting outside her bedroom window in shock*