@Tash_Stanton

Friends at conferences – please do not assume that the people that you talk to do not know anything. I just got told that I should read what Stanton et al found about pain.

I. Am. Stanton.

You Might Also Like

@FriedWords

Just drank two 5-Hour Energy shots. Will I get 10 hours of energy? And why is that rainbow giggling at me? AndAHH MY SKIN IS ON INSIDE-OUT!

@Fat_Jalbert

[trailer]
Narrator: THIS SUMMER, KEVIN HART
Me: oh no
Narrator: GUESS WHAT HE’S DOING
Me: another cop m-
Narrator: ANOTHER COP MOVIE

@yung_butters

british people be having sex like:

mmmm yes splendid ah indeed scrumptious carry on good heavens i’m arriving

@noog

Snakes are terrifying because they can’t trip and fall over shit. No creature should possess such power.

@jwoodham

BREAKING: Scientists send teen girl back in time to report on WWII. “Hitler’s haircut is literally the worst,” she writes. “Also he’s mean.”

@jordangerous

Facebook: My little man is the best thing that’s ever happened to me!

Twitter: Free baby. DM for details.

@Blondiethegood

I just threw away all the toilet paper in the office so this day is about to get interesting.

@KizerBillhelm

Make librarians cry by calling it a “Book Museum” while taking pictures with your iPad.

@dragonsorbet

Cute girl: omg I love this bread
[At the next table]
Jesus: [loudly, holding up a slice of bread] so this is my body