Just drank two 5-Hour Energy shots. Will I get 10 hours of energy? And why is that rainbow giggling at me? AndAHH MY SKIN IS ON INSIDE-OUT!
Friends at conferences – please do not assume that the people that you talk to do not know anything. I just got told that I should read what Stanton et al found about pain.
I. Am. Stanton.
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Narrator: THIS SUMMER, KEVIN HART
Me: oh no
Narrator: GUESS WHAT HE’S DOING
Me: another cop m-
Narrator: ANOTHER COP MOVIE
british people be having sex like:
mmmm yes splendid ah indeed scrumptious carry on good heavens i’m arriving
Snakes are terrifying because they can’t trip and fall over shit. No creature should possess such power.
BREAKING: Scientists send teen girl back in time to report on WWII. “Hitler’s haircut is literally the worst,” she writes. “Also he’s mean.”
see you in hell you stupid fruit
Facebook: My little man is the best thing that’s ever happened to me!
Twitter: Free baby. DM for details.
I just threw away all the toilet paper in the office so this day is about to get interesting.
Make librarians cry by calling it a “Book Museum” while taking pictures with your iPad.
Cute girl: omg I love this bread
[At the next table]
Jesus: [loudly, holding up a slice of bread] so this is my body