@mydanimarie

FRIENDSHIP TIP: stick your head under the bathroom stalls and introduce yourself! You never know where you’ll find your soulmate

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@Smug_Lemur

*at psychic reading*

Psychic: you probably think you’re wasting your time

Me: Ooh you’re good

@charliedelta7

I’m so hungry, I could eat this food without even instagraming it first. No, but seriously, I’m going to instagram it first. Don’t be crazy

@notalogin

You burn more calories chasing after your cat than you get from eating it. It’s the celery of pets.

@realHamOnWry

Mom: If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?

Me: Of course…we have free healthcare.

#Canada150th

@theshamingofjay

Thanks for sending your Blackberry pin to my iPhone.

When did you get electricity in your cave?

@Carbosly

No thanks, Downward dog.
I’m already busy with Downward spiral.

@NateMorrising

Anne Has A Problem

Anne Has A Solution

Anne Has A Will

Anne Hathaway

@TheHatStore

me: head, shoulders, knees and toes, eyes and ears and mouth and nose

CDC: no

@longwall26

Me: How did Bruce and Alfred build the Batcave all by themselves?
The Lord: I meant any questions about the mysteries of existence