FRIENDSHIP TIP: stick your head under the bathroom stalls and introduce yourself! You never know where you’ll find your soulmate

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*at psychic reading*

Psychic: you probably think you’re wasting your time

Me: Ooh you’re good


I’m so hungry, I could eat this food without even instagraming it first. No, but seriously, I’m going to instagram it first. Don’t be crazy


You burn more calories chasing after your cat than you get from eating it. It’s the celery of pets.


Mom: If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?

Me: Of course…we have free healthcare.



Thanks for sending your Blackberry pin to my iPhone.

When did you get electricity in your cave?


No thanks, Downward dog.
I’m already busy with Downward spiral.


Anne Has A Problem

Anne Has A Solution

Anne Has A Will

Anne Hathaway


me: head, shoulders, knees and toes, eyes and ears and mouth and nose

CDC: no


Me: How did Bruce and Alfred build the Batcave all by themselves?
The Lord: I meant any questions about the mysteries of existence