@sad_saurus: Friggen “pharmacist” won’t give me over the counter kisses for my boo boos smh
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@UncleDuke1969: Government Shutdown: Day 13 Anthony Weiner decides to help. He takes a photo. He tweets. Congress now sees where balls are located.
@nayele18: Can't afford those fancy water parks, so I just throw cups of water in my kids faces when they least expect it.
@loribuckmajor: Removed my spanx slip and accidentally ricocheted myself into the neighbors backyard.
@fishbowel: *first year living alone* Me: *runs out of bedroom on Christmas Day to find no presents* what