Don’t say you love me unless you have bought me a miniature donkey. Without the donkey, they are just empty, meaningless words.
[from under your bed]
Babe, are you mad at me?
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“Drop it like its hot”
-Terrible Parenting advice from snoop dog
Whoever got my Steam account for Christmas plz realize those Japanese dress up games are for research only, I don’t enjoy them. Plz understa
[at the gun store]
Me: I’ll take that gun & a box of ammo
Clerk: that’ll be $250
Me [with a gun & a box of ammo]: no
Do ducks and geese ever sit in a circle and play “ape ape human”?
“I was so high one time, I stopped at a stop sign for 20 minutes waiting for it to turn green.”
Who cares if you have regrets on your death bed. You’re about to die. I have regret everyday and have like another 40 years of this garbage
The IBS drug commercial that mentions “urgent diarrhea” implies there’s also a laid back, non-urgent form of diarrhea that I’ve never had.
That one guy who is always 3 steps behind in the convo…