Fun experiment: Go into any store and ask for “the big stupid looking guy” see who they bring you

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[Command Center]

*opens map*
*traces route*
*marks intercept point*
*target arrives

Liquor Delivery Guy: Again?


Honestly rude to go all the way into a fish’s domain and then be like “oh no thank you I brought my air from home”


Sure he’s handsome, funny, smart, charming and successful, but can he fit 54 M&M’s in his mouth at once?

I didn’ fink fo


Step 1: Join a group chat full of strangers
Step 2: Announce that someone in the group has been private messaging you pics of themselves in very snug speedos
Step 3: Answer no questions
Step 4: Leave


When an elevator stops on a floor and no one gets on or off, I always think ghost.


I’ve stolen so much stuff from work that some of my colleagues now have to work at my house