@Smooheed

Fun fact: it’s impossible to try to kiss your own neck without looking like you’ve had a stroke

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@momtransparent1

My 5yo “cleaned” the house today… she started in the bathroom, with the toilet, and then proceeded to wipe down every inch of the house, including doorknobs, with the same towel.

If that’s not the best analogy for quarantine with kids, I don’t know what is.

@TheEighthKnight

Making fun of someone you’re angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead

@SnarkyMommy78

3 only answers to the name Ana (from Frozen) and before that she’d only answer to Sophia (from Sophia the First) and before that it was Peppa and it’s totally cool cause it’s not like it took my husband and I nine excruciating months to agree on a name or anything

@EyeSeeYou619

ME: Hello cheesecake, my old friend
DARKNESS: Okay wow, I’m right here

@mikassong

if you ever feel useless, remember someone made a protective cover for Nokia 3310

@drinksmcgee

Is there such a thing as “Spirit Furniture”? I think I’ve found mine…

@MariyaAlexander

I can judge the goodness of my sex life by the loudness of the terrible music the neighbors are blasting