@onelongbender: Fun Fact: When the bartender asks if you want two or three fingers, he isn't always talking about the liquor.
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@merrittk: shopkeep, trying to gently shoo away the wild goose with a broom: please go me: you SWEEP goose? you sweep its body like the garbage? oh! oh! jail for shopkeep! jail for shopkeep for One Thousand Years!!!!
@SlimSinclair: When people ask me if I want to hold their baby, I just say "not sure if Im legally allowed to". Then they leave me alone & Im happy again.
@Blunt_Sarcastic: When coming out of any coma, try keeping your eyes shut for another day or two to see what everyone's saying about you.
@JermHimselfish: Def Leppard are a bunch of liars. I poured some sugar on a girl one time and it was a complete mess, she was not happy at all.