@onelongbender: Fun Fact: When the bartender asks if you want two or three fingers, he isn't always talking about the liquor.
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@_elvishpresley_: [walking out of bathroom] me: oh boy, do NOT go in there *guy walks in anyway* *comes out screaming* me: ya it's like super haunted
@notviking: every night before we put our dog in his kennel me and my girlfriend pretend we are sentencing him to prison for a different crime. she always jails him for crimes like being too cute or aggravated fluff while i sentence him for things like conspiracy to commit arson or fraud
@michaelianblack: Science question: can somebody please explain how tiny, tiny swimsuits make Olympians dive better?