Me:*sees nature painting*
*pulls out sharpie*
*draws sun in the top left corner*
My 5th Grade Art Teacher: *thumbs up* nice
Take pictures with your camera sound turned up when someone comes into the bathroom stall next to yours
You Might Also Like
Just a bear doing some pole dancing ❤️
Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces
“Pardon me. Might I murder you with my musket? Yes? Excellent news, kind sir!” – The Very Civil War
DR: You get a burning sensation when you pee?
ME: Especially when it gets in my eyes
DR: That’s not right
ME: I know that’s why I’m here
Necessity is the mother of invention, and the wife of bill.
Bill is the only one in the family with a normal name.
A car gets better traction in the snow if you throw a couple of coworkers in the trunk.
Got fired from my job at the asthma clinic for trying to hit on women by asking if their favorite 90s band was Weezer.
replace the chair in the Oval Office w/slightly bigger chair every day for next 4 yrs til trump looks tiny + his feet don’t touch the ground
in lieu of flowers call my wife and pretend to be me from beyond the grave. my d.o.b. is 5/24 and my mom’s name is kathy.