@andrybd
My dad just asked me if Nicki Minaj is claymation. Didn’t have an answer.
@Token_Geezer
Fun Prank:
Use Bluetooth to play 30 second blasts of Napalm Death on your neighbours stereo. They’ll think they have a poltergeist and move
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@andrybd
@dadofbieber
Studies suggests, 9 out of 10 men prefer a girl
with a big butt. The 10th man prefers the other 9
men.
@I_am_Lukem
I don’t understand why people get excited about carbon dating.
But then perhaps I just haven’t met the right pencil.
@_troyjohnson
5yo: “Dad we don’t have a chimney. How will Santa get in?”
Me: Probably through my credit card.
5: what?
Me: what?
@PaulShakeySharp
Ive just finished writing my first ever childrens novel. It’s called ‘We’re poor because of you’.
@kivtur
To be frank, I’ll need to commit an identity fraud.
@GreenishDuck
Was gonna climb over some guy’s arm but then I noticed he had a barbed wire tattoo on it.
@sliver_of
“Curiosity killed the cat”, only it’s me looking up my symptoms on the internet.
@PrinceGreenJr
*trains 1 million soldier ants*
*gets carried to work*
@cydnizoi
Even Forrest Gump got laid.
This is bullshit.