My dad just asked me if Nicki Minaj is claymation. Didn’t have an answer.
Use Bluetooth to play 30 second blasts of Napalm Death on your neighbours stereo. They’ll think they have a poltergeist and move
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Studies suggests, 9 out of 10 men prefer a girl
with a big butt. The 10th man prefers the other 9
I don’t understand why people get excited about carbon dating.
But then perhaps I just haven’t met the right pencil.
5yo: “Dad we don’t have a chimney. How will Santa get in?”
Me: Probably through my credit card.
Ive just finished writing my first ever childrens novel. It’s called ‘We’re poor because of you’.
To be frank, I’ll need to commit an identity fraud.
Was gonna climb over some guy’s arm but then I noticed he had a barbed wire tattoo on it.
“Curiosity killed the cat”, only it’s me looking up my symptoms on the internet.
*trains 1 million soldier ants*
*gets carried to work*
Even Forrest Gump got laid.
This is bullshit.