@ElliotHetherton

[Funeral]

He died doing what he loved; throwing rocks at bears and saying “it’s fine, they’re way more scared of us than we are of them”

You Might Also Like

@trevso_electric

I read a sad statistic that something like 2% of all sushi goes un-Instagrammed.

@GrantTanaka

Grandma, what big eyes you have!
thyroid actin’ up
What big ears you have!
ear infection
What big teeth!
receding gums, look I’m just old ok

@DurtMcHurtt

Apparently “will work for food” doesn’t involve hunting.

@Jamie1947

Things I Suck At:
1. straws, ha ha jk lol
2. Parallel parking, no seriously, I’m really terrible at this
3. straws, haha same joke as before

@clindsaysway

The rare times my cat approaches me for affection, I run away and hide under the bed so she knows what that feels like.

@joshcomers

MTV canceled Teen Mom, so it’s like they had those babies for nothing.

@WoodyLuvsCoffee

Someone in the office keeps making decaf coffee & I’ve narrowed it down to that guy who never gets anything done.

@AristotlesNZ

Me: Baby-proofed the house like you wanted
Wife: Ya?
Me: Ya. Locks, fence, barbed wire, the works
Her:..
Me: No way a baby’s gettin in here.

@juneohara65

“Go ahead, caller. . .”

“Yes, hello. My dog dug up a femur and I’d like to make soup. Would you suggest carrots or potatoes?”