@WheelTod

Funerals have gotten so expensive: at mom’s, after paying for the bouncy house, clowns & pony rides, we couldn’t afford a decent magic show.

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@Mr_Kapowski

Sorry I reported your newborn’s pic on FB but nudity is nudity

@junejuly12

*walks into a dollar store*

excuse me, where would I find the dollars?

@Kids_kubed

6: How do you make a bubble with your gum?

Me: You need to push and stretch it with your tongue and then blow

Him: (opens mouth to speak)

Me: Don’t! I heard myself too.

@Birdhumms

I have a black cat called Blackie and a fish called Fishface, so I get it guy who named the Walkie talkie.

@c12h22o11balls

Me: *giving my wife puppy dog eyes*

Wife: WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THESE?

@bazecraze

“Long story short” makes your story three words longer.

@ConcernedSirGuy

People are like, “How cute! Your dog looks just like you!” I’m like, “That’s my son.”

@daemonic3

Hate when the grammar police single me out like some kind of which hunt

@HannahFlores01

Accepting water from a salesperson is a sign of weakness. *faints from dehydration*

@Akortainment

Spain 🤝 Spanish hymn

Turkey 🤝 Turkish hymn

Ireland 🤝 Irish hymn

Mortal combat 🤝 Finnish hymn