“I’ll have the Anti-sleeping Prescription”
“Sir, those are kids”
funny when u get charged by a cash machine to get ur own cash out but then it tells u to cover ur pin to prevent getting robbed.
You Might Also Like
Daughter just asked me how to spell bourbon so she’s either asking Santa to hook up her old man or writing a letter to child services.
Women: The best part of my day, is taking off my bra.
Breaking: According to a study just released by the Vatican, 4 out of 5 nuns find sewing to be habit forming.
I’m not even sorry…
Dad, did you let the parrot name me?
– Haha, no that’s ridiculous, Brock.
wife: do u want a glass of water?
me: of what?
me: a glass of what?
wife: oh my god. *sighs* earth soup
A fun way to “Break up” is to tell them to “Go long” and then never throw them the football.
According to WebMD, given my symptoms, I died 9 years ago.
You guys, The Hobbit is a straight-up ripoff of my unreleased 3-hour experimental film “Helicopter Shots of People Walking.”