@BlackenedTrail

Funny women are smart. Be careful.

You Might Also Like

@RickAaron

The balloon at the gender reveal party popped into a cloud of green smoke so I guess my friends are having a Baby Yoda.

@NurseMurderer

Either this apartment is haunted or someone has been filling the sink with dishes & leaving notes that say, “You still owe $89 for cable.”

@RxitWounds

Objection your honor! He’s badgering the witness lmao

*Courtroom erupts in laughter*

Badger: Ok seriously I’m a lawyer and deserve respect

@ArfMeasures

Gmail: Someone has signed into your account!

Me: Yeah that was me

Gmail: No it was on another device!

Me: Yes my tablet

Gmail: Someone stole your tablet?!

Me: what no

Gmail: CALL THE POLICE

@markydoodoo

me: if there are any spirits here, pleasant yourself to us

ghost: bro did you just say pleasant instead of present?

me: oh no

2nd ghost: lmao this idiot said pleasant

3rd ghost: pleasant

4th ghost: pleasant

5th ghost: pleasant

@KentWGraham

Our forefathers fought against British rule so anyone can become president. For the first time in 240 years, we’re regretting that decision.

@causticbob

Wife: Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
Husband: Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.

@SatansTongue

HOT SINGLES NEAR YOU

BURNING SINGLES NEAR YOU

1ST DEGREE BURNED SINGLES NEAR YOU

DEAD SINGLES NEAR YOU

??? ????’? ??? ????

@PinkCamoTO

CW: Why don’t you ever wear your hair down?
Me: It makes me look approachable.
CW: So?
Me: I don’t want to encourage that.