@TheRobCee

[furiously trying to stir a stick of butter into a glass of milk]
“Don’t you wish there was an easier way?”
[cut to carton of butter milk]

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@WheelTod

[In Club]
*slides up to girl on dance floor
“This is my jam”
*hands her a jar
“I wrote my number on the label. Text me if you want more…”

@swiftenhaal

If Iron Man and the Man of Steel were to team up, they’d be powerful alloys.

@_steamy_mac

Her: I like you.
Me: I’m a complete psycho, none of this is an act. Godspeed.

@Lisabug74

Creamy peanut butter is the best because it’s the only thing holding this car together.

@truegritrumble

ME: *taking their hand* It’s okay. We all struggle with connecting.
RABBID RACCOON: *hissing & desperately trying to wrench its hand free*

@MissHavisham

Kids are eating leftover cotton candy for breakfast, day 4 of summer break.
Let’s see what next week brings, other than Child Services.

@MavenofHonor

Saw a woman leave her dog in the car, engine running, air on. He watched her from the front seat for a moment and then drove away