*slides up to girl on dance floor
“This is my jam”
*hands her a jar
“I wrote my number on the label. Text me if you want more…”
[furiously trying to stir a stick of butter into a glass of milk]
“Don’t you wish there was an easier way?”
[cut to carton of butter milk]
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If Iron Man and the Man of Steel were to team up, they’d be powerful alloys.
Her: I like you.
Me: I’m a complete psycho, none of this is an act. Godspeed.
Creamy peanut butter is the best because it’s the only thing holding this car together.
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RABBID RACCOON: *hissing & desperately trying to wrench its hand free*
Kids are eating leftover cotton candy for breakfast, day 4 of summer break.
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