My mom watched a whole season of Call the Midwife thinking it was The Handmaid’s Tale. Then she watched Handmaid’s Tale and she still didn’t understand it was a different show. I asked how can you think these two things are the same and she said “The red sweaters.”
gal gadot: i will fix this virus panic
gal gadot: do u like john lennon
gal gadot: imagine if u did tho
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Upstaged by cuttlefish yet again
People should come with disclaimers like:
May cause drowsiness or
Will end up sleeping w/your bf or
May induce homicidal ideations
How dare you look down on me, judging me with your judgy eyes and your judgy attitude and…
Attorney: my client means, “not guilty”
[tossing a coin into a wishing well]
me: I wish I wasn’t so gullible
Nobody ever told me that this was an option.
My horoscope says I will meet the man of my dreams today. Not sure how my husband will take the news but I’m pretty damn excited
Me: At every sunrise you will transform into middle management.
Me: And you will go to bed at a reasonable time…EVERY NIGHT.
Me: *completing a puzzle* see if the pieces are soggy they fit wherever
I saw a smart car get hit with a snow ball today, yep, it was totalled!