Mechanic *looks up* Wow, you have a lot of problems, so much is wrong
Me: I know!
Mechanic: Your car’s fine though
Me: ok cool
*Game Character Treatment Center*
Counselor: Okay new faces, please tell us why you’re here
Pac-Man: Binge eating
Lara Croft: Kleptomania
Ryu: *crying* I can’t stop fighting streets
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receiving reports today that there are “some men” who sit to pee. these men are not real men. real men lie down.
Some creepy guy with a mustache is running on the treadmill next to me at the gym…never mind, it’s a mirror.
Checkmate, Flat Earthers
[first day as a director]
me, right after a scene ends perfectly: aaaaaand cup
Qui-gon: You will give me the parts
Watto: I’m immune to mind tricks
Qui: Are you immune to lightsabers?
Watto: I will give you the parts
It would be cool if a jar of Nutella had more than one serving in it…
Buzz: hey Neil where do cows come from?
Neil: I dunno where
Buzz: the moooon haha
Neil: uh Houston we have a problem
-currently looking for an adult
-Realizing I’m an adult
-Now looking for an older adult
-Someone successful at adulting
-An adultier adult
If someone makes you want to murder them, don’t hesitate to do it. That moment you wait is the difference between 1st and 2nd degree murder.