P Diddy or P Didn’t he?
me: [visibly doing maths on my fingers] “17”
host: [looks at me weird] “that’s wrong”
other contestant: “salmon?”
You Might Also Like
The fastest way to teach a kid to ride a bike is to strap their feet to the pedals and chase them with broccoli.
Wings are the leading cause of bird flew
You can’t fix stupid but you can divorce it
Deer: I have a proposal for you
Rabbit: I’m all ears
Deer: HAHA I get it, cuz of the whole big ears thing
Rabbit: That’s pretty hurtful Jeff
Haha, murder? No officer, I just wanted to see what would happen if I planted a human
I have a very particular set of skills
*puts down phone*
*sounds of a struggle*
*yells* Ok you can’t see this but I’m totally doing the worm
Whenever someone says they did something “like a boss” I assume that means they didn’t do it at all and are taking credit for it.
I always try to tell myself that I don’t actually hate people as much as I say I do…and then I go to the mall.
PERSON WHO JUST INVENTED WINDOWS: Check it out.
PERSON WHO’S ABOUT TO INVENT CURTAINS: I hate it.