i just saw a black girl rt one of those teenage girl accounts saying “i honestly wish I was a teen in the 50’s”………. no u don’t
Gandalf in the streets, Frodo Baggins in the sheets
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i edited the lyrics of mr brightside using google autocomplete results
Friend: [showing baby photos]
Me: Ah yes, very baby
Ladies, wonder if he’s busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
My walk of shame is leaving a handicapped restroom stall while trying not to make eye contact with the wheelchair guy who was waiting on me.
“I am Daenerys Targaryen. The Unburnt. Mother of Dragons. Breaker of chains. Que-”
Job interviewer: Three references is fine.
Crazy to think back before camera phones we all used to sit in front of bathroom mirrors with sketch pads.
Haters gonna hate.
Procrastinaters gonna … get back to you on that tomorrow…
TRUMP: I’m building a wall to keep Mexicans out.
AMERICANS: I’m going to Canada if Trump is elected.
CANADIANS: We need to build a wall.