Need expensive surgery? Tell a surgeon you’re auditioning a few before picking one. Have them do the surgery then say “OK I’ll let you know”
[Garden of Eden]
EVE: If I eat the apple I get to leave?
GOD: Get to?
ADAM SANDLER: Eatin that appley bappodoodaly
EVE: Yes, get to.
You Might Also Like
Around a third (42%) of parenting is pretending you understand your child’s homework
You didn’t come here to be insulted? Why? Where do you usually go?
If Trump or Hillary really cared about America they never would have agreed to a debate in the middle of a Monday Night Football game.
Batman (1989): An orphan fights a clown
murderer: run if you want to live
me: *starts sprinting*
murderer: not like toward me tho
How much do you want to bet that the inventor of the Lazy Susan has an ex-wife named Susan?
When a barista dies coffee beans are placed on each eye before they float down a frappuccino river to forever misspell the names of the dead
technician: you want a local anaesthetic?
me, a hipster: how local are we talking?