@ronradu
@EJGomez
“dad mom wont tell me where babies come from”
*dad slams newspaper down*
DAMN THAT WOMAN & HER SECRETS
*clenches fists*
WHY WONT SHE TELL US
You Might Also Like
@EJGomez
@Dutch_50
Doctor: You have acute alcoholism.
Me: Thanks, but let me tell you it’s not very cute in the morning.
@ibid78
If you whisper, “we’re being watched,” you can hug a stranger for as long as you want. My record is 13 days.
@Home_Halfway
I always have a nightlight on when I go to bed in case someone breaks in and wants to see how cute I look when I’m sleeping.
@BoomBoomBetty
Watching the Flintstones and the Monkees as a kid gave me an unreasonable expectation that I would be spending a lot more nights in haunted mansions to inherit my kooky dead uncle‘s fortune.
@HilariousEdited
just gonna leave this here
@AnniemuMary
My family keeps throwing sweaters in the laundry basket like we wash those.
@ThugRaccoons
Me: I think I’m just scared of change.
Therapist: *flips a quarter*
Me: *screams*
@thatUPSdude
Her: You didn’t come to my Halloween party!
Me: Yes I did
Her: No, what were you?
Me: A ninja
Her: I didn’t see you
Me: Like I said “ninja”
@Swishergirl24
The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?