Me: Happy Easter!
Taylor Swift: I hate Easter! It’s all a lie!
Me: The Jesus thing?
Taylor Swift: Ya… Men don’t come back after 3 Days!
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“Speed” remake with Scarlett Johansson as the bus
*Coats body in coffee grains
*Waits for osmosis to occur
i formally apologize to anyone who knew me when i was 13
Gonna show my mom this article when she tries to wake me up early every day this week
ROBBER: nobody moves, nobody gets hurt!
ME: *gazing tearfully at a pic of my long distance gf* too late
If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them.
I’d imagine the only thing worse then getting your period is not getting your period.
I’ll never be accused of talking behind someone’s back, because that would involve talking to people.