@ProPenComics
@WilliamRodgers
Me: Happy Easter!
Taylor Swift: I hate Easter! It’s all a lie!
Me: The Jesus thing?
Taylor Swift: Ya… Men don’t come back after 3 Days!
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@WilliamRodgers
@pixelatedboat
“Speed” remake with Scarlett Johansson as the bus
@girl_a_whirl
*Coats body in coffee grains
*Waits for osmosis to occur
@pakalupapito
i formally apologize to anyone who knew me when i was 13
@whatmaddness
Gonna show my mom this article when she tries to wake me up early every day this week
@VanGobot
*bank robbery*
ROBBER: nobody moves, nobody gets hurt!
ME: *gazing tearfully at a pic of my long distance gf* too late
@amyisforawesome
If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them.
@attsmcjay
I’d imagine the only thing worse then getting your period is not getting your period.
@Freudianscript
I’ll never be accused of talking behind someone’s back, because that would involve talking to people.