@QwertyJones3

GENE SIMMONS: What is it about me that makes people think I’m gross?

“Hygiene”

SIMMONS: Hi. Now answer my question.

You Might Also Like

@KarmaPolice238

My wife does this thing where she hides all my stuff but calls it, “putting them away.”

@TheFearBoners

When God closes a door, He opens a window. God does not give a shit about your electric bill.

@ndiquote

My girlfriend is so crazy she even traced down the girl who once kissed me in kindergarten.

@_stylr

If bars don’t open soon, I’m gonna have to figure out other plans to cancel with my friends.

@Gre_Gone

*horse walks into a bar*
*horse walks into a bar*
*horse walks into a bar*
*horse walks into an optometrist*
Horse: Holy shit please help me

@RodLacroix

[car appreciation parade for child’s teacher]

Me [hanging out window with paper]: HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO #5?!?

@UncleDuke1969

[Heaven]

Me: What happened?
God: You were sending a DM & got hit by a bus.
Me: I only have one ques-
God: Sorry, man. She was totes a dude.

@jnudey

do you have to watch the 53 other super bowls to understand this one or is it a new storyline