@dataisplural: *gets caught kissing an optical illusion* it's not what it looks like!
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@margolundy: Please tell me the grounds around mental hospitals have walking trails called psychopaths running through them.
@flashember: [Cop questioning suspected watermelon thief] COP: *squints* Was it you? GIRAFFE (who has watermelon-sized bulge halfway down his neck): Nope
@Vodkantots: [to other patients in psychiatrist's waiting room] I'm not like you people. This is court mandated.