What’s my type? Someone who is supportive. Someone who is warm. Someone I can just curl up and relax with. Wait I’m describing my bed again.
*gets sent nude selfie with messy bedroom in the background
Sorry to ruin the mood, but is that a half-eaten corn dog on your floor?
You Might Also Like
I’ve never been #BackToTheFuture , but my mom always used to promise me she’d knock me into next week if I didn’t behave.
Is my bath bomb supposed to be ticking?
Bad credit? No credit? First time buyer? First time baby? No legs? 8 legs? You a spider? Are you a Spider trying to buy a house?
This is everything
What’s it called when a super model wants to date an accountant?
Wishful thinking. Obviously
It’s the anniversary of Tetris. We should have a block party.
Being a hacker in the ’80’s was way easier.
*shakes vending machine until chocolate bars falls.
Immortality sounded great when I was 23, but now that I’m 38 it just sounds exhausting.
Church: Follow Jesus.
Me: Does he follow back?
Me: Shoutout for shoutout??