Getting marriage advice from a priest is like taking your lawn mower to Burger King to get repaired.

You Might Also Like


my eco-conscious gang and i do a drive-by shooting from our Smart Car. the recoil from a single shot flips our car, we are arrested easily.


Please pray for my friends’ 4 yr old. I just found out that ten minutes of his life wasn’t photographed or documented on Facebook today.


I forgot to wear my glasses when I drove today. I didn’t even notice I wasn’t wearing them until the kid on my windshield said something


I just Googled “cool new rare diseases.”


this is your brain

*points to egg*

but this is your brain ON DRUGS

*puts egg on pile of drugs*


When a conversation gets awkward, distract the person by casually kicking a rock. Unless that rock is a poop. And you wore stilettos. And the poop sticks to the end like a skewered turd. And you’ve made it awkward. Now you have something to talk about.


Daughter: Daddy, why do I have to go to bed so early?
Me: Because we have had enough of you for today


Vin Diesel: i got a movie idea

producer: great

Vin Diesel: so there’s these cars

producer: go on

Vin Diesel: they’ll be fast

producer: can they also be…furious?

Vin Diesel: i dont see why not

producer: let’s make fifty