Finally a use for spoilers…
[Getting ready to go out]
Her: Is that what you’re wearing?
Narrator: He thought it was, but he was wrong.
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I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice and you’re a Nigerian prince who needs my bank details.
If you’re reading this Adewale, call me?
The biggest problem with prison is that you can only rearrange your cell in so many ways because of where the toilet is.
Me: What’s with the look?
Hub: How would you like a full-service massage?
Me: I would, but will you and the kids be okay while I’m gone?
I’m sorry but shits and giggles don’t sound like things I want to have happen at the same time.
The bank robbery would have ended much better for me if I hadn’t stopped on the way out at the ATM to deposit the money.
she wears short skirts
I eat pizza
she’s cheer captain
and I’m still eating pizza
If I was hanging off a cliff for my life and you told me to take your hand I would stop screaming to tell you I’m afraid of intimacy
Apparently, when your boss asks you to get a cake for a coworker’s 60th birthday, ‘cake’ is not code for ‘stripper.’
Live & learn, guys.