support small businesses like a mouse selling tiny umbrellas or even a bee selling tiny umbrellas
Getting to know someone is a lot like making toast; don’t do it in the bathtub.
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I need you to fill my water bowl but I’m also going to stand directly in your path and trip you 7 times before you can get to the sink.
FYI fellas: if u wake up with some chick and u can’t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They’ll write her name on the cup for ya!
addams family is funny because it was meant as a subversion of regular western family values, and so the wife and husband both like eachother
Earth? yeah, I’d hit that -meteor
When life hands you
1 cup sugar
2 tbsp flour
3 tbsp cornstarch
1 cup water
2 tbsp butter
1 pie crust
you make lemon meringue
I’m responsible for 84% of all cat videos currently available on YouTube.
My idea to call our weekend bicycling group the “Pedalphiles” was not well-received AT ALL.
“You had a life. It was this long. Here’s a rock.” – tombstones
I was dating this girl until I found out she stuffed her bra with tissue paper.
Then I was hooked because serious allergy issues.