A man is knocked out during a robbery.His wife and children are brutally murdered-
Pixar: Gee it’s kinda dark
…Ok a FISH is-
Abraham Lincoln: four score and seven years ago-
Me: wtf does that mean
Abraham Lincoln: 87
Me: say 87 then
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yeah i got a gym membership. its called life. watch me lift this big ass rock. now im gonna do 20 reps of pretending im a beautiful bird
high school was the free trial version of college. “if you wish to continue your education you can buy the complete pack for $50,000”
The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?
Cinco de Mayo means five of mayonnaise in Spanish.
One of the World’s Strongest Man events should be “Pulling apart two shopping carts that are stuck together.”
“OMG, this is better than sex!”
-Me, snacking during sex
Thankfully, my family and I already had a series of underground dens connected by tunnels that we dug with our strong mole hands.
“And the award for Most British Name goes to…”
*Benedict Cumberbatch takes a sip of gin with his eyes closed*
Me: if 1001 is “one thousand one” then 1000 should be “one thous”
Photo of Albert Einstein: you make a very good point but i don’t know what we can do about it