@fro_vo

[gettysburg]
Abraham Lincoln: four score and seven years ago-
Me: wtf does that mean
Abraham Lincoln: 87
Me: say 87 then

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@iamspacegirl

A man is knocked out during a robbery.His wife and children are brutally murdered-

Pixar: Gee it’s kinda dark

…Ok a FISH is-

Pix: YES.

@famouscrab

yeah i got a gym membership. its called life. watch me lift this big ass rock. now im gonna do 20 reps of pretending im a beautiful bird

@c_always_wright

high school was the free trial version of college. “if you wish to continue your education you can buy the complete pack for $50,000”

@John_M15

The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?

@Cheeseboy22

One of the World’s Strongest Man events should be “Pulling apart two shopping carts that are stuck together.”

@iamspacegirl

Thankfully, my family and I already had a series of underground dens connected by tunnels that we dug with our strong mole hands.

@jamespianka

“And the award for Most British Name goes to…”
*Benedict Cumberbatch takes a sip of gin with his eyes closed*
“Helena Bonha-”
*spews*

@fro_vo

Me: if 1001 is “one thousand one” then 1000 should be “one thous”

Photo of Albert Einstein: you make a very good point but i don’t know what we can do about it