BF went to text me “almost there”
It came out “almost dead”
So hungover, I wrote back “thank god”
And now he arrived and things are awkward
GF: I’m leaving you
Me: WHAT? WHY?
GF: You’re too afraid to take risks
Me: [Softening Doritos under a tap before eating them] THATS BULLSHIT
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it’s time for sharks to evolve again. it’s been four hundred million years. be poisonous or something
Saying you like a lot of meat in your taco is received differently on Twitter than it is on Facebook.
I know that now.
*but for like, an hour*
“How could you?”
“I’m right here.”
-my dog watching me throw food in the trash
“I’m just going through some stuff right now” -ghosts probably
*sees McChicken video*
*goes back to church*
Him: Do you have any social media accounts?
Why does my computer always ask me if I’m “sure” about stuff? Yes, I want to delete my hard drive.