@revious: If you're going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10, don't be open.

@jctwritesstuff: *raises the last donut to the sky like Simba*

@SortaBad: *slips the attendant $20* "make sure you pick me out a good one" Sir this is a daycare... "uh huh *winks* a daycare"

@Jenny4ashley: [speed dating] Me: Have you ever choked someone? "No I would never do something like that" Me: Next

@GingerHotDish: I told him I’d send him nudes everyday he was sick, but we are on day 17 now... how long does the flu normally last?