Plan B and pregnancy tests should be sold at the Liquor Store as a ‘one stop shop’ kinda thing. Save all that judgment for one cashier.
Girl at engineering school: I’m like the single-most clumsy person
[5 male engineering students emerge from bushes]
“Did you say single?”
You Might Also Like
I hate when someone is on the machine right next to me at the gym and I feel pressured to share these cheese fries.
When another writer is telling you about their latest script deal.
I’m not self medicating myself with booze. The guy at the liquor store wrote me a prescription.
Well he called it a receipt…whatever.
BREAKING: A man who took an airline company to court after losing his luggage has lost his case.
Her: My God…yours is huge!
Me: It’s the biggest gift card Sizzler sells, baby.
Officer- I’m giving you a ticket for your speed
Me- That’s heroin
Me- Want some?
Me- Oooh, shiny handcuffs
simultaneously my vacuum caught fire and my crush texted me, so the vacuum had to wait
Because ‘brunch’ sounds better than ‘I slept until 2pm, I have a hangover and I want pancakes.’
Instead of asking people to watch my laptop at a café, I just leave an open google search for “how to clean a yeast infection off a laptop”. Never been robbed yet. Still v single.