How many kids do you think Wolverine has? Because a vasectomy would heal in seconds and he doesn’t look like he’d wear a rubber or pull out.
Girl at engineering school: I’m like the single-most clumsy person
[5 male engineering students emerge from bushes]
“Did you say single?”
You Might Also Like
Here’s a sentence that has stuck with me for 22 years, from a doofy classmate’s story in 8th-grade English: “The werewolf puked and died.”
*swivels around in evil chair*
*pets evil cat*
*evil cat laughs*
*jumps out of evil chair*
“Holy shit, that cat just laughed!”
Dr Seuss: *grabs mic
Everyone Else: *quits
My wife is such a bad cook,if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
If you hate pooping alone may I suggest having children?
You’ll know when it hits 0 degrees because all the Canadians will be wearing shorts, playing frisbee and BBQing outside.
A dog is in my studio apartment and he keeps looking around for other rooms. I wish i was doing a little better too dude !
Idea for dieting: Fridges with mirrors.